Fit to be tied

Sometimes I tell my patients that I'm a lot smarter than I look...Because, well, I am. If you don't know me here's my description:

I'm short, bleach blonde, and have the face of a twelve-year old. Seriously. I can't even start to tell you how many times I hear "Oh, you're my nurse" when people realize I'm not the candy striper. So when people are surprised that I'm not a total moron I always use one of two lines A) As above, I'm smarter than I look or B) Trust me, I'm a professional. Both get a good laugh and breaks the tension (but you have to know when to use them b/c they can be inappropriate if used incorrectly).

So, back to my point. I'm starting to think maybe I am pretty stupid because tonight was one of those moments of clarity where I realized we have a pretty dangerous job. I mean, I always acknowledged the fact that the ED can be a little wild and crazy, but I guess I never have felt scared or nervous. Tonight I didn't feel scared either but I realized that this guy on the stretcher in front of me could kill me if the police and security weren't pinning him to the bed. It's just funny when that happens you know? When you get a moment to hover above yourself and see things in a different light, from a different perspective. I still don't feel scared or nervous, but I do think there's a certain vunerablitiy (sorry about the spelling) to the ED which is maybe why I'm drawn to it, why we all do what we do. That excitement, the adrenaline all of that crap, it's great isn't it?

Author's note:
Sorry that this makes no sense, I'm very tired but can't seem to wind down after my shift. I'm sure I'll read this tomorrow and delete it because it's just non-sensical rambling. Thanks for listening though...