Are you pregnant?

A patient asked me if I am pregnant last night. It seems to happen about once a month since I've had Sam. At first I was really upset by people asking me that, now I'm getting a bit better and not crying when it happens. The thing is, I'm petite. I am 4'10 5/8" and I weigh 129 lbs. There's not a lot of wiggle room in there for extra fat. If I gain 10 lbs it's like 40% of my bodyweight (right, that math's right huh? :)

And I do have a mommy belly. I keep telling myself that if that didn't exsist neither would my two little friends. But no matter how much I tell myself that I still feel like a horrible, fat, cow.

And I work out like crazy and eay well. I have a wicked sweet tooth which is really bad somedays and really OK others.

So here's why I am writing about this today. When will I ever be OK with my body? I keep waiting for the day when I wake up and feel OK in my own skin. It has been very altered from having 2 kids in 18 months, I know that, I just can't make myself feel that.

It bothers me so much that I have actually contacted plastic surgeons to see how much I need to save to pay for a tummy tuck. How crazy is that? For the amount of money it would cost we could take a family trip, buy a new car or a boat, or invest some money.

So there's no real story here, just me venting while Donnie's at the firehouse and both kids are sleeping. Because, God knows, I do not want to say this shit around my daughter and step-daughter because I tell them what beautiful women they are and to be proud of their bodies. I just wish I could believe it myself.