The Staples Lady

Seriously.

The day after I wrote about how young I looked I was at Staples buying bubble envelopes for the stuff I'm selling on e-bay. I was in scrubs, since I was headed to work right after I did some errands. At the cash register, the lady who was ringing me up said "Dear, are you a nurse?" to which I replied, "Yes I am."

She looked me up and down and said, "My goodness, I must be getting old because you don't even look old enough to drive a car."

See what I mean???

Fit to be tied

Sometimes I tell my patients that I'm a lot smarter than I look...Because, well, I am. If you don't know me here's my description:

I'm short, bleach blonde, and have the face of a twelve-year old. Seriously. I can't even start to tell you how many times I hear "Oh, you're my nurse" when people realize I'm not the candy striper. So when people are surprised that I'm not a total moron I always use one of two lines A) As above, I'm smarter than I look or B) Trust me, I'm a professional. Both get a good laugh and breaks the tension (but you have to know when to use them b/c they can be inappropriate if used incorrectly).

So, back to my point. I'm starting to think maybe I am pretty stupid because tonight was one of those moments of clarity where I realized we have a pretty dangerous job. I mean, I always acknowledged the fact that the ED can be a little wild and crazy, but I guess I never have felt scared or nervous. Tonight I didn't feel scared either but I realized that this guy on the stretcher in front of me could kill me if the police and security weren't pinning him to the bed. It's just funny when that happens you know? When you get a moment to hover above yourself and see things in a different light, from a different perspective. I still don't feel scared or nervous, but I do think there's a certain vunerablitiy (sorry about the spelling) to the ED which is maybe why I'm drawn to it, why we all do what we do. That excitement, the adrenaline all of that crap, it's great isn't it?

Author's note:
Sorry that this makes no sense, I'm very tired but can't seem to wind down after my shift. I'm sure I'll read this tomorrow and delete it because it's just non-sensical rambling. Thanks for listening though...

My pre-teen two year old

Get a load of this one you guys:

This afternoon I was trying to get Lily in the house and asked her many (many many) times to come inside. So, finally, she said "Coming momma...jeez." And then,

"I'm coming momma, be quiet."

I can't believe it, I have a teenager already :)

Toots

Hi everyone, I'm still here. Just been busy...doing what I have no idea, but I've been doing it well. So there.

So we took the kids to the Museum of Science on Monday for a nice little day trip. We had a lot of fun and it was really great to get out of dodge. On the way home my step-daughter was playing with this fart noise maker thingy she bought in the gift shop (how that is educational I really do not know) and was making the thing make tooting noises. The first time she made it toot it was funny. The next time it was funnier. And then, before we knew it, we were all laughing so hard that my belly was about to explode. Even Sam, who's one, was belly laughing everytime there was a toot.

And it was so great. We had spent the whole day at the museum and had a great time, but what I will remember for the rest of my life is laughing with my 3 kids and my husband in the car over tooting. It just makes me so happy...

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not
familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the
boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,
and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am.
What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that
obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm
reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you
in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual l
assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the game
warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely
she can also think .

So here is the big news.

The night after I wrote Pee in Pants I woke up with a cry-hangover (most of you women know what I mean; the fatigue, puffy eyes, emotional exhaustion) but had to get up for an 8:30 appt with my personal trainer. Exercise is the #1 thing in my life that can instantly boost my feelings and remove my chronic fatigue. So no matter how bad of a night I had just experienced I was not about to miss my appointment to have my ass kicked.

So I got there and she took one look at my puffy-eyes and near-tears and looked concerned, but I told her I didn’t want to talk about it and just kick my ass, please. So she did. And about halfway through my work-out she asked me if I’d come work for her. That I had the right background, I have a holistic and healthy outlook on life, and the right personality to make it in her profession. She is planning on a move which would make her business larger than she could handle alone. My knee-jerk reaction was “Hell no” because I’m a nurse and not a trainer. But after giving it some thought, and some coercion on her part, I was convinced that it’s something I can do. I also told her that one of my secret fantasy jobs was to be a yoga instructor, and she told me that she would support that and incorporate it in her business when the time came. The best part: she offered me exactly what I am making as an RN, and when I become certified and have my own clients, more.

So I had a long talk with Donnie and we both thought it was a great opportunity. The next morning, out of the blue, my friend Terry left me a message on my machine. She was inviting me to a three day weekend in NC, a yoga workshop, and asked me if I’d be interested in opening a yoga studio with her. Out of the blue this came just 24 hours after I’d had that offer from my trainer. Odd.

So I hemmed and hawed about it and decided that this is too much fate happening all at once and I have to follow this new path that has been placed in front of me. I have told my boss that I’d like to reduce my hours and I will be giving up my supervisor’s position. Once I told her I instantly felt as if a weight was off my shoulders. So now, if all works out as planned, I’ll work part-time in the ED and part-time as a trainer. This means I can always pick up more work in the ED if I need to, but have the flexibility to give to my new job. Also, down the road when my trainer job becomes full-time, I’ll be home every night of the week. That means when my kids are in school I can be home with them every night!!!

So, I am very excited about all of this. It’s very very scary, but I think that the universe is trying to tell me something and for once I am going to listen

Dammit!

My wonderful daughter loves to slam doors (Really though, who doesn't??). But her habit has gone on so long, and so strong may I add, that her door is now coming off the hinges. So today, after almost shutting her brother in the door, the door started to really come loose. She called me in, looked up at me with her beautiful bright blue eyes and said, "Dammit!" then added,

"This dammit door is broken."

I think we reeeeallly need to cut back on our swearing.

Is THAT bad?

Is it even worse that my reaction to her saying this was laughter? I am such a bad mommy it's not even funny!

PS- I have exciting news to share with you all but no time to write of it now. I hate it whem my favorite shows do this but I'm about to anyway:

To Be Continued...

WOW!

An actual conversation with my husband last night.

Husband (while studying my face):
"Wow, you really do look 26."

Me:
Silence

Husband:
"Really, you're aging."

Me:
Sound of a shotgun loading.

Husband:
"I don't know why it's such a big deal, everyone gets older. So are you."

Me:
Out the door, looking for a new husband. He still TODAY can't understand why this was not OK to say to me. WOW!